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    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

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Telcontar 20©03

---==<> Life <>==---

In times of terror such as these,
lights are few, and hard to see,
as darkness thoroughly falls,
all happiness is blathered out.
While sadness, sorrow, takes it's toll,
the joy of life is falling down.
And as the descent is getting steep,
the climb back up gets slippery.

The world is filled with misery, 
it all adds to my weight.
Plauges, hunger, war and death,
the riders of the apocalypse.
They push me down through the abyss,
as lights go out, hope vanishes.
Feelings screaming, stop the pain!
I wonder, is it worth the gain?

They say life is a miracle,
but why is then my misery?
I feel no love, no laughter,
no enthusiasm to life.
However can I still go on,
with living without joy?
The easy way is tempting,
to end it here and now.
To say goodbye to everything,
and find a way to die.

I don't know what will meet me,
there on the other side.
I hope it will be better,
than this thing called life.
Yet I have no guarantees,
but how can things get worse?
As even nothingness will comfort,
what could hold me back?
I lie here crying for myself,
wondering on this.

But then is this the thing to do,
I have just this one life.
So if I end it there won't be
for life a second chance.
I must be doubtless in my choice,
and have but none regrets.
Eventually I'll get to see,
this other place as well.
So do I then in hasty grief
leave this place so soon?
Or will I stay to see once more,
what good this life may bring.

The force of darkness pushes down,
and dimishes all light.
But still there is a way to beat them,
to give myself a fighting chance.
I think of all my happy moments,
with joy and peace of mind.
The exciting, thrilling, awesome feeling,
when talking to my love.
The splendor felt when visiting,
the wonders of the world.
The enduring joy that fills me,
when creating something nice.
And how it makes me feel good,
to make somebody smile.

Through all of this I'm gaining strength,
and climbing up the trench.
Again the lights are shining bright,
to chase darkness away.
The more I follow well lit trails,
the happier I get.
And soon the thoughts of ending this,
are distant memories.
A memory that makes me wonder:
Whatever could have been so bad,
that all the good things faded?

In all of this a reason hid, 
a lesson to be learnt.
Not to let the good lights fade,
and in darkness find the way.
Because when one in darkness stumbles, 
you can't see to get up.
And if you lay there, across the path,
others might step too.
Or they might help you up and say:
"Don't scare me so again."

This is because your not alone,
some people care for you.
And if you go, their grief will stay
eternal in their heart.
You think this is your own buisness,
but that is where you're wrong.
Everybody's got a friend,
that won't go on alone.

So please remember, all of you, 
who once felt like I did.
It is the moments in between,
that life is here to give.
Forget all misery and sorrow,
try to ignore the pain.
Endure this life until it ends,
and don't fall halfway in.
Search the sky for stars that shine,
to guide you as you walk.
And never ever say goodbye,
without such things in mind!

---==<> Telcontar 11/10-98 <>==---